Recently there has been much debate over the economic impact of climate change initiatives like the Green New Deal. Opponents say that fighting climate change will destroy jobs in coal and other timeless American industries, while supporters say that failing to address climate change will doom humanity to a slow and agonising death amidst the ruins of our own hubris. Both sides raise good points! But there’s a clear middle-ground—why not embrace the hundreds of thousands of exciting new jobs that climate change will create, like mercenary and oar rower?
Pessimists think that unchecked climate change will be “apocalyptic.” But the ingenious American spirit never fails to adapt to new circumstances and develop profitable new industries, and when our great nation’s costal cities are swallowed by the waves there will be no shortage of tremendous opportunities to explore. For starters, you should brush up on your swimming stroke, because people forced to flee the encroaching wrath of nature will no doubt pay top dollar to whoever’s willing to dive down to the fabled ruins of Los Angeles and recover their sunken valuables. Good money, good exercise, and no degree needed? That’s the dream career America needs.
Do you have tourism experience? You’d better believe that, once the storms settle down to a dull background rage, demand for tours of the magnificent half-sunken skyscrapers of New York City will be endless. Study up on your geography now, so that from Day One of Year Zero you can make a great living pointing out precisely where all the short-sighted financial decisions were made!
Or maybe transportation is your field. With all current methods of transport annihilated or rendered obsolete by strict energy rationing, there will be surging demand for trireme creators, maintainers, and operators to travel the higher seas. Anyone will be able to start from below decks and work their way up until they’re important job creators in charge of entire fleets. How often do you see that kind of honest opportunity to climb the ranks anymore?
Meanwhile, those of you prone to seasickness can take to the skies as an aeronaut! Whether it’s a hot air balloon or a crude blimp, someone will have to make the Las Vegas to Nashville run in a brisk week and a half, and customers on both new coasts will demand luxury service and superb super-tornado avoidance skills. And, of course, there’s always good old-fashioned equine husbandry. Who wouldn’t want to spend all day working with adorable animals who are mercifully incapable of grasping the horrors that have befallen civilisation?
Climate change will lead to incredible innovation in every single job market. Finance? Someone will need to figure out what still has value. Law enforcement? The Food Riots aren’t going to suppress themselves! Medicine? Think of the thrilling challenges that a shortage of basic supplies will create! And let’s not forget entertainment. Say hello to Hollywood, Ohio, where you’re the star.
If we fight climate change with job killing nonsense like a carbon tax, then we’ll also kill all of the exciting job opportunities that we and our surviving children should be looking forward to. Remember, a strong country is nothing without a strong economy. If climate change is as bad as we’re told, so much damage will be done that the demand for healthy workers will wildly exceed supply. That means strong wages and good benefits for all Americans, and that’s a future we can all embrace.