Category: Miscellaneous

Applebee’s remains committed to Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood during these challenging times, even when that neighborhood is being decimated by the actions of people whose desire to spend 24 dollars on overcooked chicken tenders outweighs their empathy for other human beings. But a surge in COVID cases is no excuse to ignore your surging…

A young woman, unable to tip the pizza deliveryman, invites him in to split the meal.  A single mom has her pipes unclogged by a handyman, and thanks him with a handshake.   After an attractive co-ed fails an important test, she asks her professor if anything can be done to improve her grade. They agree to…

Parents shopping used in tough economy. Trends favor baby socks and sandals. National birth rate in a downturn. Growing senior population providing homemade alternatives. Marketing campaign overly focused on print. Pithy advertising slogan just isn’t catchy.

Recently there has been much debate over the economic impact of climate change initiatives like the Green New Deal. Opponents say that fighting climate change will destroy jobs in coal and other timeless American industries, while supporters say that failing to address climate change will doom humanity to a slow and agonising death amidst the…

Much has been made about America’s growing wealth gap, and about how the lives of countless people could be improved by even modest concessions from ultra-wealthy tycoons with more money than a single human being could ever need. While these arguments elicit strong emotions, they have failed to sway me, a 47-year-old man with crushing…

Dear Children and Parents: Today, I’ve made the difficult decision to discontinue making toys at Santa’s Workshop. Reaching this decision wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t one I made lightly, but ultimately the elves’ decision to unionise has fundamentally compromised the esprit de corps that makes it possible to run an empire that’s given me the…

When I read all the non-boring parts of George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four while blasting Papa Roach and chatting on ICQ, my life changed. Thought control, endless government surveillance, and the fact that we could read books with sex in them at school all had an incredible impact on my young mind. Years later, I look…

“I enable social media Jedi synergy.” “Uber driver thinks he’ll make it.” “Dad’s YouTube stand-up got 12 views.” “My teenage son is retweeting Neo-Nazis.” “12-year-old Instagrammers are richer than me.” “For sale: podcast equipment, never used.”

Socratic Dialogue Seahorse Reasonable Ex-Girlfriend Just Pictures Of Hugh Jackman With No Text Added Because We Shouldn’t Put Words In Hugh Jackman’s Mouth A Picture Of A House That Offers Sound Real Estate Investment Advice That I Never Thought Of A Clever Name For Respectful of Life Choices Larry The “Most Political Issues Are Actually…

I’m starting a podcast about either comedy, pop culture, the most divisive social issues of our time, or how to make cooking fun. I haven’t decided yet, but since I have a lot of insight into all those topics I might not even have to. And since you “Liked” Bernie Sanders on Facebook, make a…