Mindblown: a blog about philosophy.
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4 Ways Grand Theft Auto V Shows Off Every Flaw of Modern Gaming
This piece is a column I sold to Cracked that never ran because of a scheduling conflict. While I generally try to keep to my own style on this site, I didn’t want to let this one go to waste. Grand Theft Auto V is the entertainment event of the year. It raked in over…
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An Open Letter to the Elderly Couple That Keeps Sending me Politically Inaccurate and Openly Racist Chain Emails
Dear Joyce and Dale, We’ve never met, but you seem like nice folks. You first came to my attention when you sent me an email entitled “WOW! This is Graphic!,” a chain message filled with political “facts” that ranged from technically true but misleading to outright false. Pretty typical chain email stuff. For future reference,…
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It’s Time to Take Back the Fedora
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here today to talk about an important problem. A problem that we, as a society, have ignored for too long. A problem that ranks among the greatest our nation has ever faced. I’m talking, of course, about the plight of the fedora. The fedora was once a proud accessory. It was…
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Excerpts From the Los Santos Police Blotter
October 8, 3:27 pm: A man commits triple vehicular homicide in a stolen automobile. Police pursue for two minutes before losing the suspect and declaring the case closed. October 8, 3:33 pm: An illegal street race kills several bystanders and causes thousands of dollars of property damage. Police fail to catch the vehicles, note their…
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I Am Working on a Novel
I think you’re really going to like my novel. It’s like Harry Potter meets The Hunger Games, but with a dash of Twilight mixed in. There’s a touch of sci-fi, and plenty of romance. It will be marketed at teenagers, but adults will enjoy it too. It has something for everyone. The main character is…
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A Story About A Man’s Struggle With Sexual Addiction and How it Almost Ruined His Relationship Before His Friend Helped Him, As Told Through Haikus Assembled From Phrases In Spam Emails Advertising Pills That Will Supposedly Make Your Penis Bigger
My friend is jealous He saw how I could work crowds Fantastic results All local pussies Your erection will be huge Ultimate control You could get any girl Love guru to sex magnet But what cost to pay? Want free local sluts? Sexual activity But is it for you? How are you doing? What if…
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Crazy Person Shoots People Because He Is Crazy
Somewhere Nobody Ever Thought Something Like This Could Happen (AP) – The FBI has reported that a crazy person murdered people with a gun today because he was crazy. Authorities have declined to release the shooter’s photo or biographical information, saying “none of that really matters because he was just such a total psycho.” While…
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Highbrow Porn Parodies
King Leer Gropes of Wrath Nineteen Eighty-Whores The Scarlet French Letter Girl with a Pearl Necklace Catch Her in the Rye Our Mutual Friend with Benefits The Warden of the Womb Frank in Stein Nibelungenlaid War and Penis
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Hobo Cover Bands
Radiomethhead Bum Iver Foster Us People Guided by Imaginary Voices They Might Be Alcoholics Broken Social Support System
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Peterson Field Guide to Internet Commenters
Internet Commenters are a loud and opinionated species. While far fewer in number than the Lurker, their boisterousness leads many amateurs to mistakenly conclude that they are the most populous of the online fauna. Often irrationally angry and aggressive even at the best of times, many breeds of Internet Commenter are especially hostile towards the…
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