Mindblown: a blog about philosophy.

My Fellow Americans, Thomas Jefferson here. Founding Father, third President of the United States and all that jazz. So, what’s up? That’s what you guys are saying nowadays, right? Is that what’s “cool”? Is it still cool to say cool? Sorry, I’m getting off topic here. I just wanted to pop in and ask everyone…

My password. Several of my co-workers’ names. What I was working on. What I’m doing here. Why I have this job. Why I’m spending my hours performing menial tasks for mediocre pay instead of taking a risk and pursuing my dreams. What I’m doing with my life. Why I even bother to drag myself out…

Dear Brent, Your intriguing statement that the soul is a tour guide for our lives raises fascinating philosophical questions. As a counterargument, may I humbly suggest that it’s 7:30 in the fucking morning and I really don’t give a shit about your stupid dumb kayaking journal, Jesus God. It’s great that you once wrote that…

FREDDY At last, gang, we have captured the Miner Forty-Niner. At last we shall learn the truth behind the haunted mine. VELMA I can’t believe our elaborate system of mirrors, ropes, pulleys, smoke machines, tripwires and slide whistles was able to trap the Miner in the depression of existential darkness! FREDDY Never doubt victory, Velma.…

A farmer and his family must protect their animals from a horde of bestiality enthusiasts. A group of soldiers break into a house and force the occupants to let them have a sleepover. A woman driving late at night arrives at her destination slightly faster by making illegal turns. A lesbian couple gets married in…

Dear CNN, Slate, Salon, et al., I was recently advised by you that I should be pregnant by 26. Well, I shouldn’t be pregnant, but my wife (who I married right out of university, also by your advice), should be. As a single 25 year old lacking serious relationship experience, this came as quite the…

“A Year of Reposits” video retrospective narrated by Sir David Attenborough. Gloating speech taunting the rival websites I drove out of business. Commenter of the Year Award presented. Posting of the climatic final chapter of The Terrific Trips and Terrifying Travails of Timmy the Timid Turtle. Ritual sacrifice to Hermes. Launch of major redesign intended…

Sandalgate – President Obama is spotted wearing socks with sandals. The birther conspiracy is reignited as conservative commentators cite this fashion faux pas as proof of Obama’s lack of respect for American culture and customs. Gategate – President Obama accidentally closes a White House gate on John Boehner’s foot. Pundits argue that this is a…

Alright, fuckers, listen up. Uncle Ben here, and I am sick of your stupid goddamn bullshit. Word on the street is that you’re not buying my rice the way you used to. Well, fuck you. For years I played the nice old man, the friendly southern gentleman who brought you delicious long grains. You liked…

Dear [redacted], Yes, it is weird that we’re getting snow at this time of year. I couldn’t agree more. Yes, I too was hoping to enjoy some warm weather this weekend. I’m sorry to hear about what the frost will do to the garden you just planted. I’m sorry your hiking plans are shot. I’m…