Opening Lines From My Rejected Letters to Literary Agents

Lydia had a problem. The problem was that she was dead.

Imagine that you’re standing in a vast desert, with no sign of civilisation for miles. Imagine that there are dinosaurs behind you. Imagine that they’re hungry. That’s the situation Bill found himself in. Except he wasn’t imagining.

He was a goblin. She was a robot. Need I say more?

James never thought that he’d live such an extraordinary life. But then he’d never thought that he was the ancestor of a secret tryst between Mary Todd and John Wilkes Booth, either.

Alex didn’t like explosions. But explosions sure liked him!

Janie never wanted to fall in love with a vampire. So she didn’t.

Nancy was the best race car driver the world had ever seen. But she wasn’t on the world anymore.

Please just buy my book, it’s amazing I swear and I have kids to feed and oh God I’m desperate please look into your heart and find a little mercy for a staving, struggling writer, it’s a teen dystopia those are so hot right now so you can’t go wrong, it has the love triangle and everything it will sell itself just give it a chance and you won’t regret it I swear

Zombies! Holy shit, so many zombies!