Signs that I’m Maturing

I make the healthy kind of Kraft Dinner.

The profanity I direct at video games is tasteful and restrained.

I understand over half the settings on my washer and dryer.

There is slightly more milk than beer in my fridge.

I know where the vacuum cleaner is, and have contemplated using it.

I watch the classy kind of pornography.

When I cry myself to sleep I make sure I’m not loud enough to wake my roommates.